cyanide covered in honey
"How dark is dark" was a fortune cookie one of my friends Jeremy opened a few years back. It was at a birthday party with a few other friends. It made us all laugh, and it challenged our conceptions of words, thoughts, and ... darkness. The philosophy of darkness is a weird thing.
We tend to think of darkness like a bad, looming thing. That we have to fight it, be against it, or run away from it.
Unless we face it, acknowledge it, and question it, it will tend to have a hold on us (me) and we'll see it as 'other'. I have darkness within me. Unless I confront it, it'll cause me to feel like I'm not whole; like I'm not good enough because I have this within me.
But that's not true, and it's not helpful.
I, like everyone, am not a bad person, but I have bad things inside. No one is inherently bad, we just have "bad", and easily avoid it. Running away, it creates more and more division. There's more space between myself and it, and we are less One. When I become One with my hurts, my darkness, I can be me. I can live a bright life, not in spite of my darkness, but because of it, with it, and thanks to it.
This is something I love and respect about my wife, Olivia.
She deals with the hurt, unresolved feelings, many of the dark emotions, and let's them bother her. She really hurts. She feels the pain. She has the hard conversations, be it with herself or others. Sometimes she buries things down, and takes too much of the burden on her shoulders instead of sharing it, sure. She needs help going there sometimes. She has an amazing habit, though, of confrontation and healthy judgement.
With my family, she has helped so much. Her and I, as may be apparent, deal with conflict a bit (very) differently.
Olivia dives straight in. She gets her hands dirty. She takes responsibility, points fingers, and is honest. It's so uncomfortable. It's resolved, and we're happier for it. Instead of pushing things under the rug, we let the light in to the dark places and open the windows. She helps us and brings healing by confronting the darkness, the hurt, the fear.
Comfort is silly. It is so temporary. It brings little lasting positive impact. It avoids short term pain, but brings heavy long term consequences.
Olivia has long term hurts too, but she has a lot less than me, but knows a lot more about the few relationships that are dark for her and how she would like to address them or let them go.
I "forget" the hurt, which is a strength and a weakness. I'm seeing it more now to be a bigger weakness than a strength. Dealing with hurt in the moment instead of letting it go and hoping it won't bother me or anyone else is a sweet lie.
It's like cyanide covered in honey.
We tend to think of darkness like a bad, looming thing. That we have to fight it, be against it, or run away from it.
Unless we face it, acknowledge it, and question it, it will tend to have a hold on us (me) and we'll see it as 'other'. I have darkness within me. Unless I confront it, it'll cause me to feel like I'm not whole; like I'm not good enough because I have this within me.
But that's not true, and it's not helpful.
I, like everyone, am not a bad person, but I have bad things inside. No one is inherently bad, we just have "bad", and easily avoid it. Running away, it creates more and more division. There's more space between myself and it, and we are less One. When I become One with my hurts, my darkness, I can be me. I can live a bright life, not in spite of my darkness, but because of it, with it, and thanks to it.
This is something I love and respect about my wife, Olivia.
She deals with the hurt, unresolved feelings, many of the dark emotions, and let's them bother her. She really hurts. She feels the pain. She has the hard conversations, be it with herself or others. Sometimes she buries things down, and takes too much of the burden on her shoulders instead of sharing it, sure. She needs help going there sometimes. She has an amazing habit, though, of confrontation and healthy judgement.
With my family, she has helped so much. Her and I, as may be apparent, deal with conflict a bit (very) differently.
Olivia dives straight in. She gets her hands dirty. She takes responsibility, points fingers, and is honest. It's so uncomfortable. It's resolved, and we're happier for it. Instead of pushing things under the rug, we let the light in to the dark places and open the windows. She helps us and brings healing by confronting the darkness, the hurt, the fear.
Comfort is silly. It is so temporary. It brings little lasting positive impact. It avoids short term pain, but brings heavy long term consequences.
Olivia has long term hurts too, but she has a lot less than me, but knows a lot more about the few relationships that are dark for her and how she would like to address them or let them go.
I "forget" the hurt, which is a strength and a weakness. I'm seeing it more now to be a bigger weakness than a strength. Dealing with hurt in the moment instead of letting it go and hoping it won't bother me or anyone else is a sweet lie.
It's like cyanide covered in honey.
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